We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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