So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
