every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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