OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
