Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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