He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
