I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
