Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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