i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
