Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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