We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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