But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
