I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
