So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
