Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Sorry about my life...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
