woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
