I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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