You smell like stripper and shame
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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