Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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