I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
