All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
