You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
