Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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