look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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