Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
