OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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