she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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