lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
