The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Come see our sink grown plant.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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