Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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