last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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