I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
