You just made me feel so damn special
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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