My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
