That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
