I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
