In the future we'll all be gay
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wear drunk well.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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