I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
