Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
