He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
