We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
