you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
