u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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