is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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