you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
