it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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