note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they need to just BURY HIM!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
