this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
please don't ironically join a cult
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