I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
