Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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