Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
